The Keurig, the Chemex, and Dietary Gnosticism

The Salt

 

Over this past holiday season, I found myself in the coffee-machine sections of several retailers, in search of an espresso maker to give my mom. None of these stores had what I was looking for, instead, their shelves were well-stocked with assorted variations of Keurigs, Nespressos, and the accompanying accessories.

For those who may be unaware, a Keurig is a coffee-making device that is designed for convenience. There’s a small reservoir which users fill with water every couple of days, and coffee – which comes in pre-measured little pods (“K-cups”) – is dispensed in seconds through a small valve. Clean-up is a breeze – when you’re done, all you need to do is throw away the used plastic pod.

If the Keurig is at one end of the coffee-making-device spectrum, then the Chemex is at the other. For those who may be unaware, a Chemex is a glass vessel that…

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Leave The Gym Resolutioners Alone

Sass & Balderdash

We’ve all seen them. There could be one next to you right now on the treadmill holding on for dear life and hiking up a level 15 incline. You may have spotted one inquisitively eying a BOSU ball, wondering what manner of cruel and unusual punishment a semi-circle could possibly deliver. They’re the Resolutioners who have taken your gym by storm this January to get started on their weight loss and fitness goals, and they haven’t received the warmest of welcomes.

I used to be a Resolutioner. In fact, I can say with confidence that “losing weight” or “eating better” was probably my staple resolution from the year 2003 through 2011. When it comes to my New Year’s resolutions, it was probably only surpassed in frequency by “This year I’m going to have a boyfriend,” or “This year I’m committing to not being so quiet and weird.”

I never stuck to it. I’d show up to the…

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What the Fuck is Fuckable

Heather Matarazzo

Seriously? What the fuck is fuckable?? I don’t know if I can answer that question for you, but I can share my own experience.

When I was 19 or so, I was standing in a Starbucks in West Hollywood with a director, talking about the upcoming film we were about to shoot. It had been a long road, but we had finally made it. Waiting for our coffee, I could see that he seemed a bit uneasy. I asked him if everything was ok. He said yes. I didn’t believe him, so I asked him again. He looked at me and said “Heather, I’m sorry, we have to give your role to another actor. The producers don’t want you.” I didn’t understand. I had been attached to this project for two years, and now two weeks before filming, I’m being let go. I asked him why. He looked me dead…

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Why Do We Seek Labels?

10 Cities/10 Years

It’s almost a daily occurrence now. On Facebook or Twitter, in an article or mind-numbing listicle, someone is discussing the traits, burdens and/or pleasures of being an introvert. Based on the unscientific sampling of my personal feed, 90% of the narcissistic self-promoters in the world are actually meek and shy introverts.

When us loners aren’t breathlessly talking about how weird it is that we prefer books to people (haha, I’m soooo crazy!), we’re posting the results of a Briggs Myers personality test (or some generic knockoff).

“I’m totally an INFP.”

“Well, I’m an ENFJ.”

“Oh, I could definitely see that. I guess that’s because I’m an ENTP.”

“I kind of figured all of you were CUNTs.”

And when we get bored with scientific classifications that mostly mean nothing, we fall back on the original sugar pill of personality labels: The Zodiac.

What’s Your Sign?

How is it that a…

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Canada’s National Disgrace

Matthew Barlow

Two weeks ago, MacLeans, Canada’s only national news magazine, published an article that caused quite the uproar. Written by a former diplomat, Scott Gilmore, and entitled, “Canada’s Racism Problem? It’s Even Worse Than America’s,” it’s not hard to see why this upset people. Even better was the sub-title, “For a country so self-satisfied with its image of progressive tolerance, how is this not a national crisis?”  I wish I had written this article, it says what I’ve been saying for a long, long time.

Aboriginal peoples in Canada get screwed.  Have been since the first Europeans arrived, and still do today.  And that’s not going to change any time soon unless Canadians do something about it. But, in my experience, they don’t care.  Last year, I wrote a post about a funny sweatshirt that an aboriginal man, Jeff Menard, in Winnipeg (which MacLeans also called out as Canada’s most…

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Dear bitch troll

Do u think I’m a fucking idiot. Do u think that I didn’t realize that the only reason why you wanted to talk to me was so you could make sure I didn’t talk shit about you to her. You’re sad, pathetic, and a manipulating bitch that always complains about her family being manipulating and yet you are the perfect example of that. So full of shit. You’re more worried about your reputation than your friendships which sadly could save your reputation. And in all honesty you are  fucking lucky I’m not the vindictive bitch to post your name everywhere and I  make this anonymous. Your presence is toxic and makes me want to puke. It’s so sad . Oh I can’t wait till all of this comes back to you. Because  karma  is a bitch. Fuck you. Fuck your repuation. Fuck this friendship. Because it fucking ended when you decided that u could ignore me when I were in the wrong and u decided to drop our friendship when it got hard. And maybe it was meant to happen because we got so close so quickly we seemed to forget all the things in between that was supposed to happened but never did. We just skipped it. And we never should have. We should have had those arguments, little spats that meant nothing, those crying moments of making up. But we didn’t because you gave up. Oh well fuck you.stay away from me. Go fuck yourself. I’ve learned a lesson from you. Is to never trust someone, friendship is earned not given, love comes with time, and never trust a smooth talker.
It’s early in the morning I haven’t slept, but this anger has been biting at me and I just really needed to release it.
Fuck you,
Apperently the toxic friend you needed to cut off
P.S BYE BYE BITCH